I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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