There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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