sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize