I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
