I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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