Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
