I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
