That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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