i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
