I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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