she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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