It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
