Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
