Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My feet surprised me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
