you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
