Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
