OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
