look no pants
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He? As in you personified your dick?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
