At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize