a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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