Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
