I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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