I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
