Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
