you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize