I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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