the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize