So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
