Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I lost the right to judge tonight
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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