Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
