Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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