Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
