I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
