on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
