I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
