Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
