I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
