Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
