after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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