Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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