i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
