I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
