My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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