Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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