you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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