Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
