are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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