No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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