she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
