We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
