is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am mentally ready for anal.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
