All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
