people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
