hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
