I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
