I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
