And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize