I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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