My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize