you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
third nipple confirmed
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
