You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
