Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
