so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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