Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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