benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize