Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
