Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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