Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize