All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize