YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
