we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
