And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
