How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
