UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
